Nea Fane – Un Biet Român Pripășit în America / A Hapless Romanian Stuck in The US

Why is British Airways Flight BA288 so famous? Because it is THE flight, the only non-stop route to Europe out of the Valley of the Sun.

I should have known something was wrong when the flight time on my tiny entertainment screen read nearly double the scheduled duration. Since we were already airborne, “something” was definitely off.

Then the entertainment system crashed, the overhead lights stuck ON, and the air conditioning switched OFF. Naturally, this only happened to the last 15 rows on my side of the aircraft. Things quickly got intimate in our section of the cabin. Passengers on the right side had no idea what was happening or why a group of increasingly sweaty people on the left were leaning desperately into their personal space.

At least I had only paid $1.00 for my ticket, plus $712.00 in taxes, but still, $1.00. British Airways had run a Brexit flash sale along the lines of “Look how far a dollar will take you!” It was a textbook case of “you get what you pay for.” I couldn’t be too upset, but my full-fare neighbors were far less forgiving and very vocal.

Credit where it’s due: the crew kept us exceptionally well-hydrated. I hadn’t touched alcohol in 90 days due to a restrictive fad diet, but suddenly I found myself stranded in Chenin Blanc heaven. I happily obliged.

Eventually, after much tinkering by a flight attendant, the air conditioning blasted back to life and the lights finally went OFF. The purser announced they were now going to work on fixing the video system. Speaking from the bottom of my second bottle, I politely asked him to please stop messing with the aircraft’s electrical systems in mid-air. He assumed I was joking and handed me more wine. Again, I happily obliged, even though I wasn’t joking.

Fast forward to the final 20 minutes of the flight: the video system suddenly rebooted, to the complete surprise of everyone aboard, including the makeshift technician. He looked thrilled, if totally bewildered.

Aside from these quirks, the actual flying—the part that matters most—was remarkably smooth. The cabin crew, a delightful bunch of older gentlemen straight out of a Monty Python sketch, were outstanding. And the captain was a legend in his own right. Case in point, an announcement he made mid-flight:

“A left shoe has found its way into the flight deck without its owner. Ladies, please inspect your feet. If you are missing a shoe, do let us know, we’d love to meet you. It’s a Michael Kors, so if you happen to have the matching one, this makes for quite an expensive pair.”