For more than sixty years, Nea Fane has been tripping through life with his awkward little steps, just wandering along those wild paths that like to throw him a curveball. He spent 33 years living under a communist regime that turned into a dictatorship, quietly chuckling at the ridiculousness of the leaders, sharing those off-the-wall…… Continue reading The Survivor
Torpedo Sandwiches
Last night I had only a few hours of bad sleep. Around 3 a.m., I woke up hungry and needing to pee. Instead of choosing, I took care of both and ate my first giant torpedo sandwich. A glorious decision, since everyone knows that eating at night is the pinnacle of health. Five hours of…… Continue reading Torpedo Sandwiches
Sandwichuri torpilă și lounge de pălmași
Ultima noapte am dormit puțin și prost. Pe la 3 dimineața, m-am trezit flămând și cu chef de pipi. În loc să aleg între ele, le-am rezolvat pe amândouă și am mâncat primul mare sandwich torpilă. Glorios. Cinci ore de făcut bagaje și uitat la TV mă făcuseră să uit complet de mâncare. Am recuperat…… Continue reading Sandwichuri torpilă și lounge de pălmași
Puterea virgulei
La doi ani după ce mama ne-a părăsit, mă aflam la București cu tata și cu Cosmin. Conversațiile noastre erau de cele mai multe ori tăcute; fiecare vorbea cu el însuși, iar din când în când ne scăpa câte un cuvânt. Pentru Tata era ceva obișnuit – avea conversații întregi, interioare, și din când în…… Continue reading Puterea virgulei
Principiul Pătrunjelului
Ați auzit de Principiul Pătrunjelului? E simplu: nu ai nimic de cumpărat, dar trebuie să scapi de acasă. Și pentru că nu toți știu să pescuiască, și pentru că e mai ușor să pleci cu o punguță de plastic perfect împăturită decât cu o undiță, intră în scenă … pătrunjelul! Tata, cu vocea lui de…… Continue reading Principiul Pătrunjelului
Revelația
Doamnelor și domnilor, eu sunt un tip încet. Nu la cap, nu. Fizic. La trup, așa. Sunt atât de domol încât soția mea zice că nu poate să plimbe câinii cu mine, că o obosesc. O obosesc mergând! Și pe deasupra, se și enervează. Vă dați seama? Să mergi atât de încet încât să provoci…… Continue reading Revelația
Life with dogs – Episode 192
Ladies and gentlemen, as you already know, I’m slow. Not mentally, not emotionally. Physically slow. My Lady says she can’t walk the dogs with me because my pace makes her tired and nervous. Nervous! Imagine walking so slow you cause anxiety. My buddy Mișu isn’t any better. I told him twice to drag his butt out of the…… Continue reading Life with dogs – Episode 192
The White Swimming Cap
🇷🇴 Today at the pool I had a memorable encounter. I was diligently swimming breaststroke, lap after lap, nice and easy so I wouldn’t wreck my joints (again). Next to me, however, was a speed demon. For every one of my lengths, he did four of his. I know I’m not a fast swimmer, but…… Continue reading The White Swimming Cap
Casca albă
🇺🇸 Astăzi, la bazin, am avut o întâlnire memorabilă. Eu, sârguincios, înotam bras, tură după tură, ușurel, să nu-mi fac praf încheieturile (iar). Lângă mine, omul-viteză. La fiecare lungime de bazin de-a mea, el făcea patru. Știu că nu sunt un rapid, dar tipul de alături era incredibil. Se vedea profesionalismul: o cască albă, un…… Continue reading Casca albă
The Art of Conversing with a Smartwatch
A brief guide for people emotionally monitored by technology As is already known on two continents, I’ve started swimming. Little by little. When I finally figured out that I could wear my watch in the water, I also found out precisely how much I swam because my watch is smart. Very smart. At first, we…… Continue reading The Art of Conversing with a Smartwatch
Arta conversației cu un ceas inteligent
Mic îndreptar pentru oamenii monitorizați emoțional de tehnologie Cum se știe deja pe două continente, am început, timid-timid, să înot.Când, în sfârșit, m-am prins că pot intra cu ceasul în apă, am aflat și cât de mult înot. Pentru că ceasul meu e deștept. Foarte deștept. Am avut însă, la început, niște mici neînțelegeri. La…… Continue reading Arta conversației cu un ceas inteligent
Living with Dogs – Episode 190
Gicu isn’t a cuddler. He’s a respect-my-personal-space kind of dog – stoic, dignified, and deeply uninterested in human neediness, unless a treat is involved. Some say he’s part cat, or at least spiritually feline. Maybe it’s all the time he spent with Bill the Cat, who apparently taught him the fine art of ignoring people…… Continue reading Living with Dogs – Episode 190
Living with dogs – episode 189
At exactly 4:00 a.m., Baloo let out some soft, tragic whimpers in the living room, the sort that scream, “I’m dying.” Naturally, I launched out of bed like some sort of barefoot superhero wannabe, convinced he’d poisoned himself again with his usual street delicacies: some dubious leftovers from a fast food bag and something that…… Continue reading Living with dogs – episode 189
The Legend of Day Four
Eight years ago, after my father rushed to be with my mother, my friend Mișu convinced me to promise that I’d try to lose weight. At 5 foot 7 inches, I was 273 pounds. A lot. Way too much. Énorme, as the very distinguished French gentleman would say when explaining that 80% of car accidents are…… Continue reading The Legend of Day Four
Legenda Zilei a Patra
decât muncă în zadar, mai bine încet și rar.decât muncă fără rost,mai bine încet și prost.(din înțelepciunea muncitorilor români) Acum opt ani, după ce tatăl meu a plecat repejor după mama, prietenul Mișu a făcut ce-a făcut, m-a păcălit și m-a convins să-i promit că voi slăbi. Aveam 273 de pounds, adică aproape 124 de…… Continue reading Legenda Zilei a Patra
Pyr Paw
It was a quiet, scorching Sunday morning, the kind where the sun filters stealthfully through the curtains and plants seem to wilt to death in front of your eyes. Stan Pendula, freshly returned from his morning routine – dog walking, cabbage shopping, dog feeding, coffee making – suddenly, and without premeditation, decided to scoot over…… Continue reading Pyr Paw
The Long Game of Mr. Cosmin
My father played sports. My uncle, his brother, played sports. My cousins, my uncle’s boys, also play sports. They all have the opposite of Dad bodies. They’re the standard for their clothing sizes. You know those catalog notes: “The model is 5’9” and wears a size M”? That’s them. And then there’s me. Pear-shaped, decidedly…… Continue reading The Long Game of Mr. Cosmin
The Big Book Of Grief
This is an apology post. Well, not quite. I spent two years writing this book/magazine. When I finally declared it finished, I sent it by email to some of you. And then, being a product of the Facebook generation, I waited for feedback. And waited. And waited… impatiently. One reply came quickly, tearful and kind.…… Continue reading The Big Book Of Grief
Wings, Whiskers, and Fireflies
A non-believer’s guide to signs After my mom died, maybe three or four months later, my father found a baby pigeon on the sidewalk, barely alive. He took it home and, slowly, patiently, nursed it back to life. He named it Dosoftei and kept it in the kitchen for months. When I visited that fall,…… Continue reading Wings, Whiskers, and Fireflies
The Very Short and Sad Life of The Rodenstock Eyeglasses
When the average monthly salary in Romania was around 2,500 lei, my mother bought me a pair of eyeglasses that cost 475. That was almost a fifth of a monthly income. And yet, without hesitation, she paid every little penny so I could walk out of that optical store wearing a pair of Rodenstocks, German…… Continue reading The Very Short and Sad Life of The Rodenstock Eyeglasses
Nea Fane - Un Biet Român Pripășit în America / A Hapless Romanian Stuck in The US 