Nea Fane – Un Biet Român Pripășit în America / A Hapless Romanian Stuck in The US

Tempe, Arizona, 2016

My internet research revealed a surprising fact (although, let’s be honest, the internet isn’t always flawless). Apparently, in a household with both cats and chickens you shouldn’t have any scorpions. Now, I understand that knowledge is power, but in this case, my feathered and feline friends seemed blissfully unaware of their scorpion-slaying potential. So, I took matters into my own hands and gave them a little motivational training.

At the crack of dawn (5 am to be precise), I embarked on a mission. Armed with a trusty PowerPoint presentation and a determined spirit, I started to gather my feathered recruits and their feline teammate. By 6:30, my entire menagerie (five clucking chickens and one bewildered cat) was finally assembled before me, ready for their scorpion-hunting seminar.

In a comprehensive slide show, I presented them the nature of the enemy: the dreaded scorpion. I emphasized the importance of vigilance, stressing a “catch and eliminate on sight” strategy, keeping in mind that chickens are primarily diurnal hunters. To ensure complete understanding and accountability, I even drafted a memo, outlining their new pest control duties.

The chickens scratched somewhere on the paper, while the cat offered a nonchalant paw swipe, jumped on the fence and on the roof.

The future of scorpion-free living hangs in the balance. Now, I wait, hoping they understood the presentation and that they take their mission seriously.

UPDATE: Well, so much for my PowerPoint-fueled scorpion-slaying method. Turns out my feathered warriors weren’t exactly swayed by my meticulous KYE (“Know Your Enemy”) presentation. The scorpion stronghold? Untouched. Chickens: 0, Scorpions: 1. The cat, unbothered, abandoned the fight from the very beginning, remaining on the roof and hunting small birds.