Nea Fane – Un Biet Român Pripășit în America / A Hapless Romanian Stuck in The US

My son calls me at 6:30 in the morning telling me that his car doesn’t start and all the lights on the dashboard are on and there is a noise, like tzac tzac tzac .

“OK”, I said, “that’s it?”

“No”, he said, “it’s also a message, that the battery is low. Look:”

I died.

“Ok”, I said, “I gave you a jumper S for X-mas, use it.”

“How?”, he asked.

“Read the freaking booklet” I almost yelled at him.

“OK, no need to get all worked up”, he said, “Mom is on her way “

“Whaaaat?” (I was in the park, walking the dogs, having a good time, getting ready to come home)

….. after a little time … I get home … feed the dogs …

Wife’s calling: “THE PIECE OF JUNK YOU GOT COSMIN IS NOT WORKING!!!!!”

I was getting slightly annoyed. “Wait, I’m coming …”

[I wanted to say “don’t get all worked up” but you never, ever, say this to a woman, especially if she is, well, worked up]

Ten minutes later I arrive at my son’s and I find my wife standing near her car, with 2 long jumper cables, totally confused.

My son was standing near his car, with the jumper pack in his hand, totally confused, both annoyed to the max.

“What’s the problem, my loves?” I ask, trying very, very hard not to laugh.

“The jumper thingy doesn’t act like in the instructions book“.

“Oh”, I say, “that’s baaad. It’s the first time I hear of this. [wink wink] And what did you do?”

They walk me through the steps, and indeed, the instructions said: “wait for the message ‘cables properly connected'” and that message never showed on the display. We did everything until that step and then I told Cosmin:

“Ok, the cables are properly connected, even if there is no message. Courage, push the button, start the car”

My wife was in full panic mode near her car, with jumper cables dangling in her hand: “what if…? what if …? No, no , noooo….”

My son was in his car, he gathered all his courage, closed his eyes and pushed the START button.

The darn car started purring like a cat.

My wife quickly gathered her composure and started organizing us: “you at the dealer, me at the dealer with you, you at home, dogs …”

I didn’t hear the rest, I got into my car and left.

After some time …. they both came home with my wife’s car, a little bit of musical cars, his in the shop, dropped mom, went to work, and in the afternoon will reverse.